floydfanatic86 (floydfanatic86) wrote,

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What's ahead

I don't know what's in store for me anymore. Frankly, I don't care. I'm beyond caring. Whatever happens now, for better or worse, I'll take it as it is. I'm numb enough that nothing's going to hurt me really by this point.

I'd like to know what's at the end of the dark tunnel for me, but I have no way of knowing. I'm just going to have to take things one painful day at a time.

As far as I know now, I've lost my best friend, and I don't know if I'll ever have one again. I know what I've done, and I can't let that happen ever again. That kind of behavior should be unacceptable with anyone, so I'm not making any excuses for myself.

I'd like to say I'll be able to pick myself up and move on with my life right away, but I'm not sure about that. This is the thing that only time and professional help can heal. For the meantime, though, I don't see a reason to try with anyone. The people I've tried to be nice to and communicate with haven't reciprocated, and that's hurt a lot. I don't see a reason to try right now unless that's going to change. I don't want to befriend the freshmen, not unless they change their attitudes, and I don't like what I've seen before. I don't feel a lot of people have similar interests to what I truly love and like - I might not have met the people that do (besides Monchel, my own father, and my ex-roommate/friend Camille), but that's how I feel right now.
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